Paying Attention to the In-Between Moments

Over the past few weeks, we’ve been exploring components of mindfulness that are useful when trying to incentivize and invite some form of practice into one’s life. By exploring what mindfulness really is, I hope I’ve begun to breakdown or at least clarify some of what pop culture has been “wrong” about when it comes to mindfulness and what it has to offer. I believe that what it does for us both psychologically and neurophysiologically can’t be overlooked if our goal is to become more resilient, less fragile individuals. So far, we’ve redefined and delineated mindfulness as intentionally paying attention to some current internal or external form of stimulus, from the more ambiguous “being in the moment” colloquialism. We’ve looked at what mindfulness feels like, even if for a split second, and the wide ranging benefits from improved emotion regulation, concentration, and an increased sense of well being. If you’ve missed any of the articles up to this point and you’ve got an extra 5-10 minutes, go check them out here. This week, I’d like to look at some practical examples of how we can practice and benefit from a mindfulness practice.

I’ve set out today to write this practical mindfulness “guide” simply due to how social media and other sources of pop culture have painted what a mindfulness practice should look like. Maybe I’m completely alone in this, but when I see a post on Instagram of someone sitting on a beach at sunset, donned in wispy clothing, with the lighting just right with a caption underneath that reads “just breathe and it’ll all be okay” or something like that, I can’t help but feel just a tiny hint of “ah, you’ve missed the point”. Now I’m not totally sour about this, obviously the person intended to remind people that remembering to pay attention to your breath for a few seconds will definitely make a tough time feel a little better, but it’s the setting that they’ve decided on is what irks me. Sure, mindfulness can really buff up and improve those moments of rapture where gratitude and peace seem to come from every direction without any effort on your part. It’s easy to be present when everything in your immediate surroundings looks like a setting for a romantic movie. But I sincerely believe that mindfulness is best applied and practiced in moments of perceived difficulty – those moments that we would otherwise prefer to “tough it out” and “just get through it”. Why don’t we see any pictures of a person who is 15 minutes late to a business meeting who was just about to flip out because of someone else’s driving talent (or lack there of) and instead, noticed the arising anger, and shifted their awareness from their idea of chasing this person down, to the way the gas pedal feels on their foot, or the steering wheel in their hands, or to remember that, this too will pass – why get hung up on it. My guess is that this photo wouldn’t get many “likes”…but my point remains! Although mindfulness can improve so many situations, I believe that it’s application is most beneficial in moments of heightened arousal that would otherwise lead to regretful decisions, illogical indulgence in emotions, increased stress and reduced ability to handle stress in a logical, conducive way. I’m sure I’m not the only one that wishes they handled past situations better – a mindfulness practice is a potent prophylactic antidote for future regret.

That’s what we’re trying to do here, reduce the power we give to our lower order emotions, and instead attempt to override them with logic and intentional behaviours. I think that’s a core component of what resilience truly is; not so much the ability to control the outcome of events, but rather control (or at least mediate) our reaction to them. Enter: mindfulness.

So we know mindfulness can be helpful in those moments of perceived difficulty – that’s fantastic and lends to so many positive benefits in your life and for those around you.

Moments between moments.

This one took me a while to get, and partly why I’ve decided to write this – I rarely hear anyone talk about this part of mindfulness: The moments between moments.

What I mean by this is the moments between those “big events”, also known as “99% of life”. You know, before you go to the dance, or the cooking of the big dinner, or the getting dressed before the big shindig, or the driving to the cottage. Most of life happens between these momentous occasions. Mindfulness lets us sit in those moments between moments in a way that isn’t otherwise accessible. This is a long-winded way of saying that mindfulness is an antidote to boredom, anticipation, and rumination, and what I would like to call “destination pending happiness”.

Destination Pending Happiness

Destination pending happiness themed a lot of my late teen, and early adolescent years. I was an anxious, depressed teenager who had just graduated high school with very little vision for any future endeavours and was eager to feel “plugged in” like so many of my peers seemed to feel. I remember getting the idea that I would apply to university, and the anticipation of feeling better immediately came to the surface. My mind reeled with ou’s and awe’s at all the ideas of how enjoyable it would be to go to university, and get a degree, and to feel like I’m making something of myself. I remember getting accepted, and going to my first class. And just as clearly, I remember the drive home where I realized that I didn’t feel any differently. “Where was the ecstatic bliss and feelings of rapture and gratitude that I fully expected to theme the rest of my life?!”. It took me a few years after that moment to realize that I had duped myself. I had put my happiness in a very conditional place, I put it in the future. I think many of us fall victim to this mentality; “When I get X, then I’ll be happy” or “When X happens, boy, that’ll be it, the rest of my life will just fall right into place”. Mindfulness is the perfect antidote to this way of thinking, and for me, has almost completely removed the tendency to drop into that line of thought.

By practicing tuning into some piece or the entirety of the conscious experience, you begin to notice that everything you need psychologically can be found immediately. The most powerful change this leads to in your life is that you stop looking outside of your own mind for what you need. You begin to rely less on the behaviour of others (or substances) to bring you to those emotional places you enjoy. You will start to take great pleasure in just forgetting and remembering over and over that you’re in a body, and you get to watch your corner of the universe, both inner and outer, wax and wane. The importance of tone begins to fall away and you no longer have to be on a beach with wispy clothing, with that perfect lighting in some yogic pose to feel peaceful or grateful, because you’re always here. Whether you’re rushing to that meeting, cooking the big meal, getting dressed for the big dance, or driving to the movie. It’s not about to happen, it is happening.

Have a great week everyone,

Our Blue Sky Minds